This is dedicated to Daniel who supports everything we are about.
We try and pry, live and die, drinking the devils piss, and smoking the grits.
We, the adored duo known round the world as Jambo Dickwater, would like to issue a formal apology for the lack of posts of late. It’s not that we lost all inspiration, but more so we assumed we had a lacking, slacking following. Now we know the truth…That the world is eagerly awaiting our next post. And here it is
We fib, we like to goof, for a giggle, its the truth.
And Tuesday marks the birth of the man, the myth, the messiah, your new favorite bum, Reggie “Origenald” Cashmere Bumhug. We discovered Origenald lurking underneath a man-made (bum-made) lean-to next to a construction site near our campus apartment. He wore a hard-hat with a loose beanie over it, ski goggles, a red headlamp, some Mardi-Gras beads, a neck-tie, a gold corduroy jacket worn fashionably inside out, and one mitten. We asked Reggie why he wore the hard hat. “Times are hard.” he said, and then we offered him a beer or two and he obliged us with a story. It goes something like this…
“The origin of Origenald”
Well, my mom named me Reg. She thought that was the full name. My friends call me Reggie. I call myself Origenald. My mother was not a good mother. She raised me in the streets, while she went home to her real family. She would leave our alley for days on end and occasionally leave me a dish with water and what she called chili. The neighborhood dogs loved my chili. One day, after she had beat me for asking strangers for change, she gave me a neck tie and told me she could no longer afford to provide me with a dish full every week, and she said I should go out and get myself a career. So I strapped on the neck tie and went on the job hunt. I went into every legitimate establishment in the campus area, and got a pretty good reception. Many people offered me free water, scraps of food, and the business section of the paper, but no jobs. For some reason, and I don’t think it was because of my resume, no one wanted to offer old Origenald a job. So I veered away from campus a few blocks to continue my search. On my way I got in one bum fight, ran from an alley cat, got spooked by my own reflection in a muddy puddle, fell in the puddle, and discovered the single mitten I wear today. People say I give the best high-fives this side of the alley. And ever since I flipped my corduroy jacket over as a fashion statement, and to hide the mud stains from the puddle, I was labeled the best hum bugger, or bum hugger in all of lower eastside Eugene. I’ve basically got everything I need strapped to my body at all times. Everything one might need to start a family, go skiing in Hendrick’s Park, start a fire, and make a happy home. So after my mom gave me the boot, I ventured out and found my path. The bike path. It makes a real cozy bed if you have a little used cardboard. And that folks is where you can find old Reggie “Origenald” Cashmere Bumhug. I want to thank the sweet sweet boys who offered me beer and walnut brownies, and provided a place me for to take my annual bum bath. Sorry fellas if I stunk up your kitchen, but Reggie gots to stay fresh.
